Addendum

1. J the unemployed engineer: Handsome. Hipster. Beard. Cute glasses. Basically, totally my style. Everything was going well (yes, I realize he's unemployed, but he had saved up enough money while working as an engineer to live comfortably for 6 months or so, so he had a little cushion. I think that shows responsibility, don't you?) until his NY sense of humor got to be a little too much. I had told him how I passed the bar in another state but not in this state. Later in the conversation, I made some quip about how I'm the one with the "JD" after my name. His reply? "Not according to the state of [our state] you're not." I was floored. Such a mean comment about such a sensitive subject. And on the first date.

I'm usually not a confrontational person but I'm pretty sure at this point I responded with "the fact that I didn't pass the bar exam in this state doesn't cancel out the fact I have the degree." You could tell he felt bad. Sad even. His next suggestion? That we should take ten seconds of silence for him to think about what he did and then we wouldn't have to talk about it anymore. Nice gesture, but not enough to save the date. He walked to my car and again apologized. I gave him a halfhearted hug (he hadn't been completely offensive the whole time, after all) and left. Immediately, he sent me a text saying "I'm sorry I was mean. You are smart and gorgeous." Will never see him again. Remove from favorites. Next...

2. N the balding attorney: Just when I had just about convinced myself that I should stop this silly cycle of disappointment and pull the plug on online dating, N the attorney called and invited me on a spur of the moment Christmas shopping date. I said yes, being all about spontaneity. Not to mention the fact that he was a lawyer, he had a very funny profile, and he looked cute in his pictures. I can usually tell how I'm going to feel about someone within about a minute of meeting them. The second I walked in the restaurant, I knew it was a no go. Thinning hair but still wearing it long and combing it over? Abort mission! But alas, I had to play nice. We chatted over some pizza, where he proceeded to make small talk the whole time and never once ask me a single thing about myself. Not where I'm from. Not what I do for a living. I understand not getting too personal, but WTF?

So then I had to go shopping with him, which was extremely excruciating because every time we walked into a store together everyone assumed we were a couple. I wanted to shout from the rooftops: "Nope, just another crappy first date!" I think the combination of being on a bad first date and shopping and shopping at Christmas (all things I detest) made me a little tense. Perhaps in an effort to keep my distance, I kept walking really fast and really ahead of him. I made a comment about how I wished I had tried a different kind of pizza and he said "I wish you had too." When I asked him why, he told me I seemed "a little tense." Oh, keep in mind this is the same guy who bragged "I only go into the office about 3 days a week... I let MY STAFF take care of the rest." (emphasis added) Oh, and the same guy who invaded my personal space while waiting for the "Walk" signal and put his arm around me and squeezed. Seriously? Where was he getting any kind of vibe that taking things to the next level of touch would be okay? I would hardly walk next to him. I really did start feeling sick, so, when I used that as an excuse to leave after an hour, I wasn't lying. He walked to my car and I gave him a side hug with a back pat (basically the worst a guy can do minus a handshake at the end of a date).

Will never see him again.
Remove from favorites.
You know the drill.