So when your 72 year old father starts emailing you articles like "8 Reasons Why You're Still Single," you know you've reached a new level of awesomeness. But I did read the article and one of them actually stuck with me. "You're too picky" was reason #6. The article said we shouldn't have a "laundry list" of things we're looking for in a potential mate. Why? Because people aren't sofas and we don't get to pick them to our exact specifications. Fair enough.
This whole idea kind of goes along with what I was saying earlier about online dating being great because it did the "pre-screening" for me. I genuinely thought it would make things simpler because I knew more of the suitors' "specs" before deciding whether to go out with them. An online dating profile is like a virtual test drive of a man without having to talk to them or touch them. Again, you'd think this would be a good thing. But I've found it's not because 1) it's just too much information provided too soon and we use this to potentially create a history with someone before we've ever met them and 2) oftentimes this "history" we create will be based on information that is false.
So you know online dating and I have parted ways. And no, we're not getting back together. Although, while home for the holidays this weekend, I met the new girlfriend of a rather "intense" friend from high school and how did they meet? e-freaking-harmony. I was floored. She was pretty. And normal. And they were really into each other. Why couldn't I be the poster child for eHarmony like they were? Was it really because they're in California and I'm in Texas? I don't buy that. We're all busy and there are people looking for legit relationships everywhere. Hmm. Ideas?
Back to this notion of being "too picky," maybe my dad's emailed relationship article had a point. So, in an effort to test this theory out, I revisited my (admittedly long) list of qualities a guy needs to have and reduced it down to FIVE. And how dorkishly cool is this... when I put the first letters of the top 5 qualities in a certain order it spells the word "FEAST." Muah ha ha. Now I can say things like "yeah, he was okay for a nibble but he was no feast." My how I entertain myself.
Okay, here it goes... the new, streamlined, top 5 for 2011:
F- funny
E- educated/ employed
A- attractive
S- stable/ sensitive/ sweet
T- tall (at least as tall as me)
There are so many other things I want to add, but I'm going to see how long I last with this oh-so-abbreviated experiment of a list. Argh. Sitting on my hands...
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
hmm...
Tonight C called and randomly invited me to dinner. I had had one of those days where everything went wrong and I really wasn't up for yet another date. I was even using my stove for the first time when he called. The fact that I was actually trying to cook, coupled with the fact I am going out of town tomorrow, made me initially decline the invite. On top of that, I told him, I had misplaced my debit card, had only $1 in cash, and didn't want to make him pay for me again. But he insisted. Bless his heart... his company gives him $20 a day for dinner (since he's in from out of town) and he said he wanted me to come with.
So he picked me up. And he even opened my car door. He was very playful and fun at the store, as he had been on our first date. He offered me his arm as we walked around. The conversation flowed as we sat outside and ate. We shared food and talked about the people passing by. He told me he loved how observant I am and how much I seem to care about my surroundings. It's true. And it's something that's always been true about me... not only am I extremely self-aware, but I'm also extremely cognizant of all that's going on around me. He even stood up when I left the table to go to the restroom and stood back up when I came back. I love when guys still have manners.
He showed me he had a softer side too, which I love. The store had just closed and the security guard was turning down everyone who walked up. A physically handicapped man was walking up when some patrons told him the store was closed. "Figures," he muttered begrudgingly as he turned around and limped back to his car. At the time same time, we both remarked how much that episode had pained us. He talked about how he had volunteered for the special olympics and how it had been one of the most humbling experiences of his life. I mentioned how sad it made me to see him have to turn around without getting his groceries, as every step to and from his car was such a struggle.
When we got to his car, he opened the door for me. And when we arrived at my house, I leaned in to give him a hug. I was hoping he would kiss me, but I didn't want to be the one to make the first move. He left his seatbelt on, so I made a quip about that. The vibe was there, so I kissed him sweetly on the neck/ ear. Then our lips kind of started dancing around each other. Maybe we were both waiting for the other to make the first move, but I wouldn't budge. Or at least I think I didn't. Finally, he kissed me on the lips and the real kissing began. And... it was phenomenal. He told me what a good kisser I was. I told him the same. I told him my theory about how I think it takes two people to kiss well. And we did. After a bit more making out and some joking about feeling like we were in high school, I thanked him for dinner and headed for the door.
I'm leaving town tomorrow and he's leaving town Thursday. He won't be back until the 9th, which is just a few days before my birthday. And his birthday is tomorrow... he'll be 29. I don't know where this is going or if it could be legit, but I like the way it feels.
So he picked me up. And he even opened my car door. He was very playful and fun at the store, as he had been on our first date. He offered me his arm as we walked around. The conversation flowed as we sat outside and ate. We shared food and talked about the people passing by. He told me he loved how observant I am and how much I seem to care about my surroundings. It's true. And it's something that's always been true about me... not only am I extremely self-aware, but I'm also extremely cognizant of all that's going on around me. He even stood up when I left the table to go to the restroom and stood back up when I came back. I love when guys still have manners.
He showed me he had a softer side too, which I love. The store had just closed and the security guard was turning down everyone who walked up. A physically handicapped man was walking up when some patrons told him the store was closed. "Figures," he muttered begrudgingly as he turned around and limped back to his car. At the time same time, we both remarked how much that episode had pained us. He talked about how he had volunteered for the special olympics and how it had been one of the most humbling experiences of his life. I mentioned how sad it made me to see him have to turn around without getting his groceries, as every step to and from his car was such a struggle.
When we got to his car, he opened the door for me. And when we arrived at my house, I leaned in to give him a hug. I was hoping he would kiss me, but I didn't want to be the one to make the first move. He left his seatbelt on, so I made a quip about that. The vibe was there, so I kissed him sweetly on the neck/ ear. Then our lips kind of started dancing around each other. Maybe we were both waiting for the other to make the first move, but I wouldn't budge. Or at least I think I didn't. Finally, he kissed me on the lips and the real kissing began. And... it was phenomenal. He told me what a good kisser I was. I told him the same. I told him my theory about how I think it takes two people to kiss well. And we did. After a bit more making out and some joking about feeling like we were in high school, I thanked him for dinner and headed for the door.
I'm leaving town tomorrow and he's leaving town Thursday. He won't be back until the 9th, which is just a few days before my birthday. And his birthday is tomorrow... he'll be 29. I don't know where this is going or if it could be legit, but I like the way it feels.
Online Dating/ Tess Announce Separation
Online Dating & Tess
After five long months, Online Dating and Tess have announced their separation. "After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we've decided to go our separate ways," they say in a joint statement issued Dec. 21. "We entered into this with high hopes, but our differences of opinion as to what constitutes a good date and, ultimately, a successful relationship have become irreconcilable." Tess added: "While privacy isn't expected, it's certainly appreciated."
Online Dating & Tess: August 2010 - December 2010
After five long months, Online Dating and Tess have announced their separation. "After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we've decided to go our separate ways," they say in a joint statement issued Dec. 21. "We entered into this with high hopes, but our differences of opinion as to what constitutes a good date and, ultimately, a successful relationship have become irreconcilable." Tess added: "While privacy isn't expected, it's certainly appreciated."
Online Dating & Tess: August 2010 - December 2010
Donesies
N the balding attorney was the straw that broke the online dating camel's back. I'm done. Immediately after I post this, I'm disabling my profile and going back to trying to meet people the old fashioned way. I'm tired of people lying about what they look like and what they're looking for. I'm the full package and can meet guys in the real world. The reason I did this was because I thought it was a way to cut through all the bullshit and "pre-screen" potential suitors. But online dating just adds more bullshit. You think you know more about the person going in, but that just means more of it could be lies. At least if I meet someone while out at a bar (ick) or shopping at the grocery store (does this really happen anywhere besides the movies?), the person starts out with me as a blank slate. I don't know anything about them except the fact that I'm attracted to them and it's up to them to create the rest of our history from there.
And maybe that's the way it should be.
And maybe that's the way it should be.
Addendum
1. J the unemployed engineer: Handsome. Hipster. Beard. Cute glasses. Basically, totally my style. Everything was going well (yes, I realize he's unemployed, but he had saved up enough money while working as an engineer to live comfortably for 6 months or so, so he had a little cushion. I think that shows responsibility, don't you?) until his NY sense of humor got to be a little too much. I had told him how I passed the bar in another state but not in this state. Later in the conversation, I made some quip about how I'm the one with the "JD" after my name. His reply? "Not according to the state of [our state] you're not." I was floored. Such a mean comment about such a sensitive subject. And on the first date.
I'm usually not a confrontational person but I'm pretty sure at this point I responded with "the fact that I didn't pass the bar exam in this state doesn't cancel out the fact I have the degree." You could tell he felt bad. Sad even. His next suggestion? That we should take ten seconds of silence for him to think about what he did and then we wouldn't have to talk about it anymore. Nice gesture, but not enough to save the date. He walked to my car and again apologized. I gave him a halfhearted hug (he hadn't been completely offensive the whole time, after all) and left. Immediately, he sent me a text saying "I'm sorry I was mean. You are smart and gorgeous." Will never see him again. Remove from favorites. Next...
2. N the balding attorney: Just when I had just about convinced myself that I should stop this silly cycle of disappointment and pull the plug on online dating, N the attorney called and invited me on a spur of the moment Christmas shopping date. I said yes, being all about spontaneity. Not to mention the fact that he was a lawyer, he had a very funny profile, and he looked cute in his pictures. I can usually tell how I'm going to feel about someone within about a minute of meeting them. The second I walked in the restaurant, I knew it was a no go. Thinning hair but still wearing it long and combing it over? Abort mission! But alas, I had to play nice. We chatted over some pizza, where he proceeded to make small talk the whole time and never once ask me a single thing about myself. Not where I'm from. Not what I do for a living. I understand not getting too personal, but WTF?
So then I had to go shopping with him, which was extremely excruciating because every time we walked into a store together everyone assumed we were a couple. I wanted to shout from the rooftops: "Nope, just another crappy first date!" I think the combination of being on a bad first date and shopping and shopping at Christmas (all things I detest) made me a little tense. Perhaps in an effort to keep my distance, I kept walking really fast and really ahead of him. I made a comment about how I wished I had tried a different kind of pizza and he said "I wish you had too." When I asked him why, he told me I seemed "a little tense." Oh, keep in mind this is the same guy who bragged "I only go into the office about 3 days a week... I let MY STAFF take care of the rest." (emphasis added) Oh, and the same guy who invaded my personal space while waiting for the "Walk" signal and put his arm around me and squeezed. Seriously? Where was he getting any kind of vibe that taking things to the next level of touch would be okay? I would hardly walk next to him. I really did start feeling sick, so, when I used that as an excuse to leave after an hour, I wasn't lying. He walked to my car and I gave him a side hug with a back pat (basically the worst a guy can do minus a handshake at the end of a date).
Will never see him again.
Remove from favorites.
You know the drill.
I'm usually not a confrontational person but I'm pretty sure at this point I responded with "the fact that I didn't pass the bar exam in this state doesn't cancel out the fact I have the degree." You could tell he felt bad. Sad even. His next suggestion? That we should take ten seconds of silence for him to think about what he did and then we wouldn't have to talk about it anymore. Nice gesture, but not enough to save the date. He walked to my car and again apologized. I gave him a halfhearted hug (he hadn't been completely offensive the whole time, after all) and left. Immediately, he sent me a text saying "I'm sorry I was mean. You are smart and gorgeous." Will never see him again. Remove from favorites. Next...
2. N the balding attorney: Just when I had just about convinced myself that I should stop this silly cycle of disappointment and pull the plug on online dating, N the attorney called and invited me on a spur of the moment Christmas shopping date. I said yes, being all about spontaneity. Not to mention the fact that he was a lawyer, he had a very funny profile, and he looked cute in his pictures. I can usually tell how I'm going to feel about someone within about a minute of meeting them. The second I walked in the restaurant, I knew it was a no go. Thinning hair but still wearing it long and combing it over? Abort mission! But alas, I had to play nice. We chatted over some pizza, where he proceeded to make small talk the whole time and never once ask me a single thing about myself. Not where I'm from. Not what I do for a living. I understand not getting too personal, but WTF?
So then I had to go shopping with him, which was extremely excruciating because every time we walked into a store together everyone assumed we were a couple. I wanted to shout from the rooftops: "Nope, just another crappy first date!" I think the combination of being on a bad first date and shopping and shopping at Christmas (all things I detest) made me a little tense. Perhaps in an effort to keep my distance, I kept walking really fast and really ahead of him. I made a comment about how I wished I had tried a different kind of pizza and he said "I wish you had too." When I asked him why, he told me I seemed "a little tense." Oh, keep in mind this is the same guy who bragged "I only go into the office about 3 days a week... I let MY STAFF take care of the rest." (emphasis added) Oh, and the same guy who invaded my personal space while waiting for the "Walk" signal and put his arm around me and squeezed. Seriously? Where was he getting any kind of vibe that taking things to the next level of touch would be okay? I would hardly walk next to him. I really did start feeling sick, so, when I used that as an excuse to leave after an hour, I wasn't lying. He walked to my car and I gave him a side hug with a back pat (basically the worst a guy can do minus a handshake at the end of a date).
Will never see him again.
Remove from favorites.
You know the drill.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Uber-update
OKC Dates
1. C the underemployed hobo- beers at DV, Waiting for Superman, brunch at KL, beers at co-op with W, brunch with friends, shopping on drag, disappeared
2. B the ?- Beers and trivia at SG, former Mormon, super hot and interesting, vibed well, no kiss at the end of the night, never saw each other again
3. J the CEO- fancy brunch at GP, interesting life but was very boring to talk to, bought my meal, never saw each other again
4. J the teacher- drove three hours to meet me, birthday party, never spoke again, maybe he was expecting me to invite him to stay over since he had driven so far? but we hadn't even kissed...
5. S the business owner- tall, handsome, seemed normal, bought my apps and drinks, then after started sending overly sexual texts (when we had never even kissed), never saw him again
6. J the ?- emailed me an hour and half a show because his friend cancelled on him and he didn't want the ticket to go to waste, cute but not very interesting, met him out again when he had been drinking, still not very interesting, never saw him again
7. F the musician- left a band a few years back that went on to become very successful, think he was still bitter about that, wasn't feeling it so I mentioned another date I had been on, he got weird when I mentioned that, said he had to go and gave me a side hug, texted me after he left and said "why did you meet up with me if you are already dating someone else?" I wrote back that it was just casual and good luck with everything. Never saw him again.
8. S the tunnel engineer- so boring, had to ask him about how tunnels are made in order for him to maintain a conversation, complete with tunnel graphics on cocktail napkin, everything in tunnel making is very sexual, by the way
9. E the doctoral student- not wonderful, not horrible 1st date, he paid... second date, we had both been drinking before so he was more entertaining this time, we did split the bill, met me out late night and seemed angry, didn't invite him over bc I wasn't feeling it, made out with him just to make him go away
9. J the hypnotist- salsa, drinks at DV, dancing, SB, sleepover with teens, Sunday Funday (date 6... we're dating but it's open... he's very liberal and only wants to know if I have encounters with anyone else and we can tell each other after the fact)
10. C the business guy- drinks and app at GM, liked him more until he disclosed the fact that he didn't live in [my town] and that he was only here for 6 weeks for work and he was staying in an extended stay hotel, didn't bail because he was really funny and we had some great banter, by the end of the night we were like a socially awkward comedy duo, we will see each other again
1. C the underemployed hobo- beers at DV, Waiting for Superman, brunch at KL, beers at co-op with W, brunch with friends, shopping on drag, disappeared
2. B the ?- Beers and trivia at SG, former Mormon, super hot and interesting, vibed well, no kiss at the end of the night, never saw each other again
3. J the CEO- fancy brunch at GP, interesting life but was very boring to talk to, bought my meal, never saw each other again
4. J the teacher- drove three hours to meet me, birthday party, never spoke again, maybe he was expecting me to invite him to stay over since he had driven so far? but we hadn't even kissed...
5. S the business owner- tall, handsome, seemed normal, bought my apps and drinks, then after started sending overly sexual texts (when we had never even kissed), never saw him again
6. J the ?- emailed me an hour and half a show because his friend cancelled on him and he didn't want the ticket to go to waste, cute but not very interesting, met him out again when he had been drinking, still not very interesting, never saw him again
7. F the musician- left a band a few years back that went on to become very successful, think he was still bitter about that, wasn't feeling it so I mentioned another date I had been on, he got weird when I mentioned that, said he had to go and gave me a side hug, texted me after he left and said "why did you meet up with me if you are already dating someone else?" I wrote back that it was just casual and good luck with everything. Never saw him again.
8. S the tunnel engineer- so boring, had to ask him about how tunnels are made in order for him to maintain a conversation, complete with tunnel graphics on cocktail napkin, everything in tunnel making is very sexual, by the way
9. E the doctoral student- not wonderful, not horrible 1st date, he paid... second date, we had both been drinking before so he was more entertaining this time, we did split the bill, met me out late night and seemed angry, didn't invite him over bc I wasn't feeling it, made out with him just to make him go away
9. J the hypnotist- salsa, drinks at DV, dancing, SB, sleepover with teens, Sunday Funday (date 6... we're dating but it's open... he's very liberal and only wants to know if I have encounters with anyone else and we can tell each other after the fact)
10. C the business guy- drinks and app at GM, liked him more until he disclosed the fact that he didn't live in [my town] and that he was only here for 6 weeks for work and he was staying in an extended stay hotel, didn't bail because he was really funny and we had some great banter, by the end of the night we were like a socially awkward comedy duo, we will see each other again
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