S**t My Dad Says

Oh, my dear dad. He's 72, newly retired, and has the best of intentions. I think he figured I'd be married by now, and so now, with all of his new free time, he spends his time trying to figure out how to get me married off.

Keep in mind he was born in 1938, so he says stuff all the time like "you'll never find man until you learn how to cook and clean and keep a nice house" and thinks it's perfectly socially acceptable. I then quickly remind him that it is indeed 2011 and not the 1950's. He sends me links to cooking classes all the time, because he is damn near sure that's where I'm going to meet my husband.

Ironically, my dad is the one who suggested I get on match. When that didn't work out, he sent me a text saying: "Ok you can blame me for match. My next idea which is a winner. Large church with a large singles group!" My response: "No thanks. You're not making up for match by forcing organized religion on me."

He pressed on: "[Church] is a good place to meet people with no pressure. They dance and have many activities. Try it you might like it. I would recommend an Episcopal church!" (The dancing part is my favorite.)

My response: "What's with all the god stuff today?"

His response: "We both want you to have a happy life!"

Aww... more to surely come later.