S**t My Dad Says

Oh, my dear dad. He's 72, newly retired, and has the best of intentions. I think he figured I'd be married by now, and so now, with all of his new free time, he spends his time trying to figure out how to get me married off.

Keep in mind he was born in 1938, so he says stuff all the time like "you'll never find man until you learn how to cook and clean and keep a nice house" and thinks it's perfectly socially acceptable. I then quickly remind him that it is indeed 2011 and not the 1950's. He sends me links to cooking classes all the time, because he is damn near sure that's where I'm going to meet my husband.

Ironically, my dad is the one who suggested I get on match. When that didn't work out, he sent me a text saying: "Ok you can blame me for match. My next idea which is a winner. Large church with a large singles group!" My response: "No thanks. You're not making up for match by forcing organized religion on me."

He pressed on: "[Church] is a good place to meet people with no pressure. They dance and have many activities. Try it you might like it. I would recommend an Episcopal church!" (The dancing part is my favorite.)

My response: "What's with all the god stuff today?"

His response: "We both want you to have a happy life!"

Aww... more to surely come later.

Y mas!

From a 24 year old in Algeria:

my name is **** chihane im livine in algeria
im send u he msg becuae i hink can mak a good relatione
im ait u answer thx

From a 26 year old in Kenya:

hey dear i bounced by u on the site seems to me that ur the on e

bye bye

(Concise. Yet profound.)

From a 25 year old in Yemen:

Praise God created man and taught him the statement, first
I find it difficult to describe myself, but to do so especially as we are here to look for life partner. I am a simple man Printing and happy, very frank and not in the right Ojaml, cohabitant and easy, compassionate, loving, loved the family. I believe in frank with my partner and the exchange of love with her. I hope that I meet female partner ready for the life of the wife and family stability, building a family I appreciate honesty and integrity in person. I hope that I meet that bear the personal meanings of life and bear with me in the problem, solve and bad. I wish to accept personal fun and make life beautiful difficulties and wish to make a smile in my face as I'll be her. .

I looked at Provayeck and I liked a lot and I am interested in you a lot and I like to know more about you and you are a human being suitable to be future wife Lee and mother of my children and your profile Ante wonderful person and you like stability and I'm ready to communicate with you as possible we have to connect via email or via Facebook and get to know each other more in order to build our relationship on the one true love, and we know some of why we love what a hate and how to plan for our future and more details will be reaching out to the site that I wish to be happy times and good to me all the appreciation and respect, dear sweet
I hope to hear from you soon in response to
Kisses for you and your beautiful cheeks and your body exciting
This is love at first sight

(Can't help but think that was written in his native language and then put through an online translator...)

From a 30 year old in Iran:

Hello , how are you?.this is ****** I come from Iran , I checked your profile and I have to say that I am interested in your profile.i am seeking a serious relationship for marriage , so if you don’t have problem with my nationality, you are always welcome to write me back , also if you want to know more about me you can check my website (www.*******.com) and I am interested to hear and know more about you?. And your strandards for your favourite guy.
Regards,

******

From a 39 year old in Turkey (who I never responded to):

Why didnt you giving me answer? I m waiting you... I m not ordinary man, ı can love you forever, ı can read you, ı can smell you and ı can drink you forever... Where are you? :-(

From a 25 year old in Cameroon:

hello and good day.my names are joseph ilome njie and i am from cameroon,aged 25 and a bachelors degree in humain geography,height 1,70 and having chocolate black.i saw your profile and i am interested for marriage.please kindly contact me on this number...

From a 26 year old in Algeria:

I am interested in you. i would like to have a great good serious relationship with you... i promise you tht i will be the friend tht you talk with and your lover who allow him to shed your tears and your soulmate tht he listen to you and make you happy all the times and a great husband to share with you everything in tht world, will be enough for me to see my head against yours on one pillow or walking on the street with our babies, i will be your man, yours, i need to give us a chance to prove you and i believe in the god's willing and i believe in my self too
Support, love, respect, carring and backing each other, that is what i'm going to offer you, i hope it is enough for you to agree about giving us a chance.
I know deep in my self that we are going to creat something real, something that last forever and go with us to our graves, babies, warmy home, this is not just an expressions to blow your mind or to make you interested in me but it is real, this how i'm going to feel when i will meet face to face, breathe against breathe, i mean every single word and all i need now is one chance to prove what i've wrote for you, to make you happy the happiest woman on this earth, i hope to hear from you soon
thats my msn to keep in touch, i'm waiting your answer and i hope to hear from you soon

From a 39 year old in Australia:

PS: Yes my profile say I am married and I am as I do not hide the fact. I am not here for some werid sinister act. I travel alot with my work and this is my time out and my space to myself. I love meeting new people especially from all over the world and chatting and sharing culture diversity. So i am here to make new friends. If I developed a friend ship and it went further then that would be in the hands of fate and also it would prove to me that i do have another soul-mate out there and i would have to re-valuate my lifes pathway's. Pklus the other reason i am here is i do not believe in social networking sites like facebook etc as they are to me very unsafe and un-secure.

(Wow. I love that he included the fact that he is MARRIED as a "PS." Funny thing is... there were about three long paragraphs about himself before the PS. Wonder if his wife knows about his mechanism for "meeting new people"?)

From a 26 year old in Tunisia:

If you're a bee, then I am your flower sweet, the flower which you will most want to ask you about it. Ohhhhh
beautiful in heart and in all seriousness, desire for true and lasting relationship is serious or sincerity, trust, honesty will be a strong pillar for the beginning. I am not on this site for an adventure. Only serious woman. My heart is waiting Love of my life !!!!! contact me on my msn...

From a 38 year old in Sweden:

You know the first thing that attract me in a woman is the eyes and then i look at the feet because i think they are beautiful on
a woman and i like to massage them.....
Do you like that a man care for your feet or
do you feel it is strange thing to like?

(And everytime he wanted to use the word "trust," he wrote "thrust." Ha ha ha.)

From a 41 year old in Turkey:

hi princess,

my name is *****. West of Turkey, from Izmir. I am 41 years old, 174 tall, 90 kg, brown, very sweet young. I like living. I love to love. And I say to you, I want to love you for a lifetime. Can you give me the opportunity?

All my life I called a lady like wine. That lady wanted to drink every night of a lifetime. But I could not find the lady. Her breath I sleep in it and I wanted to live in that lady's breath. That lady wanted to read like a poem every morning. Her hands and kiss all the time that I wanted to caress her hair.

And I say to you let me love you give me a lifetime ... Would you be my poem? I give you my heart I am a lifetime Will you store it? And one day, if I discover a planet, the planet that you live with me, will you?

a ship,
my mother's wet eyes on board wounded
waves in the hands of the curve
Do not pull water one after the
this tide, the delusions
falls into the water a long time a daisy..

With love,

*****

From a 37 year old in Senegal:

Hello Dear,

How are you doing over there? am **** by name am from nigeria but work and live in dakar senegal am 37 years old single i have a son of 10 years old the mother son f**k my younger brother f**k my friends and that is the reason why i live her on her own am here in (site) looking for a soulmate a woman that i will spend the rest of my life with a woman that we will love each other have the true love for each other and understand each other good i went to your profile i would love to know you better i would be glad to read back from you here is my email address ******@yahoo.com you can email me to my e mail have a nice day

Priceless...

From a 30 year old in Spain:

Hi cute, how are you Friendy.. This is abdul from spain and the Family is living in sweden. Its really Nice to meet you and apologize if l disturb but as I kept a sight on your profile Its impressive your personality.. as I am seeking for reliable soul partner to get married, with bundle of respect I am going to ask you.. would you please like to know consequently about me, if you want to see me by making a video call I say welcome please and lt is the pray to Allah make us Eligible. The best and most beautiful things in the world can´t be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart .The Internet is good way for acquaintance and you are a cute one.. Dudde! I will be looking forward to hear you expectantly buddy. Okay bye - keep smiling and take goood care... (contact info)

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Praying to Allah that we're eligible!!

A few more gems from the international site...

Copied and pasted exactly as written. Names and emails deleted to protect me... I don't want you stealing these winners away from me. : )

From a 46 year old in Canada (and this really is all the email said):

"hope you have got a license for that killer weapon"

From a 41 year old in Algeria:

"Hello

I'm Mohamed from Algeria and I am interested in you and I want to know you more
Write me on my email *****@*****.com
i'm waiting"

From a 31 year old in Uganda:

"only the sky should be the limit ,am interested in you."

From a 41 year old in Korea:

"How are you? I am ***** who is living in Korea. I woulld like to live sincerity and truth. When I was young my future plan was to be a diplomat. Now I think international salesman is a sort of diplomat. Before leaving for business trip to abroad I usually feel getting new energy and filling of curiosity inside of myself. Sometimes I have encountered with several difficulties during business as like car accident, sickness, lost of airplane ticket,etc. But I am still alive and getting excited in visiting new place. Time can not be recovered. So maybe I would like to live doing my best unconsciously. If you are interested in me please send me e-mail to ******@***net. Have a nice day. Bye."

And these were just from today! Can't wait to see what awaits me tomorrow.

New site... and a proposal already!

Oh my. I've made a horrible mistake. I really, really would love to meet a legitimate foreign guy who is looking for a relationship. Anyone who knows me knows I've had this set in my mind ever since I was a little girl. So I joined this international dating site, which at the time I thought would be pretty much like match but with an international twist. Wow, was I wrong. I'm pretty positive that it's actually a front for older men looking for mail-order brides. Oops. And boy, am I'm I getting a lot of responses!

I'm happy to report that I've been a member for three days now and I've already gotten my first marriage proposal! It's from a gentleman in Iraq who does not have a picture. But here's the text of his message:

How are you ? if you don’t mind I would like to tell you that you're amazing woman and actually I like you so much please don't misunderstand because I'm serious and don't looking to waste my time , I'm looking for someone special to attack my heart and get it at first sight , when I saw you, you are absolutely got my heart , I'm sure we will be happy together if you accept to marry me because I'm single like you and want someone to get married with for all my life and I promise you to do my best to make you happy , please don't hurry in your decision , so this is my email (********@gmail.com) if you want to see my picture .

I wish you good luck in your life with lots of love .
Yours always .

Hmm... what to do? I've heard there's a lot of action in Iraq these days.

UPDATE (5.1.11): And I got my second proposal!

This one is from a 33 year old in the United Arab Emirates:

hi T,how are you hope all is find.i saw your lovely profile and i am interested in you.i will like to get married to you.i will like to established a long lasting relationshipe with you,a relationshipe of deep feeling and trusted that will bring mutual understanding.i am a very nice person who is honest,easy going,respectfull,caring and hardworking.please reply and have a nice day bye