Dating tornado. Storm shelter please.

Wow. So it's been awhile. After online date #1 and #2 (both of which have already been written about), I kind of went crazy. I felt like all of October and November has consisted of test driving guys as potential boyfriends. Most didn't even get a second date. A few did. And of those few, a theme quickly developed: 1) How many subsequent dates would it take until I discovered their FATAL FLAW?

1. M- Great first date. He walked in with swagger. At forty-four, he was older than anyone I had ever dated. When he told me was a musician, I said "Oh, my ex-boyfriend is a musician too! He plays with [local musician] and [local musician] at [local venue] and [local venue] a few times a month. Who do you play with?" Needless to say, when he told me about his two Grammy nominations in the late 90's I felt more than a bit silly. I didn't want him to tell me the name of the band though. The fact that they hit their climax the year I was a senior in high school was enough. This is where I begin openly googling, desperately trying to figure out who this rock star of my youth sitting beside me was. In time, I got it. He was an attractive guy, but -not gonna lie- knowing who he played with made him that much more attractive. I have vivid recollections of singing along to his music with one of my first high school crushes. We were in his room, sitting on the floor, and their big song came on the radio. I believe we even tried to have have a pseudo-philosophical discussion about the lyrics.

After a few beverages and appetizers (which he picked up the tab for... guess the royalty checks are still coming in), we decided to head to venue #2. A good sign for a first date. This is where he got affectionate for the first time. And I liked it. We were that annoying couple canoodling at the booth in the corner. Granted, I was a tad intoxicated, but he was getting progressively sexier. A Texan version of Javier Bardem, perhaps? At my car, we had a marathon make out session and it was unreal. Such chemistry and such electricity. I almost didn't want to go. But I had to leave for work at 6:45 the next morning and spend the day molding young minds. And such molding did not include a tutorial on the ins and outs of my great date the night before.

Date two, he continued to amaze. We met in our cute little neighborhood and walked to a cute little restaurant. We stopped in the middle of the street and at corners to make out. This is how I want things to be. This is how it could be, I thought to myself. At dinner, we continued to canoodle. Part of me was thinking "wow, this could be real." The other part of me was thinking "wow, I cannot believe the guy from [band] is groping me right now." Ultimately, we ended up at his house and there were a few intimate encounters. I had never shared such closeness with someone after knowing them for such a short period of time, but I was somewhat okay with it at the time. I think maybe because I really thought he was looking to date and we were creating something. Something relationship-py.

Ultimately, I come to find out that he's recently (as in this year) divorced after being married for 10 years and has a five-year-old son on other side of state. When I started asking "what are we doing?" and "what is this?" (which, admittedly, is annoying... but sometimes a girl just needs a state of the union check) he bumbled and fumbled on his words and told me how he's "just new to dating," how he doesn't know what he wants, and all that stuff that guys say.

I wish I could say I took the high road and that we never had any additional romantic encounters. But our chemistry is just so damn unreal. It's almost like, at this point, when we're hanging out and not hooking up, it's just a formality that has to happen so we can get to the good stuff.

Bottom line? Not boyfriend material. But a great story to tell the grandkids. And the classmates at the twenty-year high school reunion.

2. N- Gave me his band's CD.

3. A- ACL.

4. P- Trilingual and hot. But square. And think he just wanted to get into my pants.

5. B- SidePart McDoubleChin.

6. D- Institutionalized because delusional.

7. M- Bentley. McMansion. Motivational speaker. Had had his accounting license revoked. History of domestic violence.

8. JC- Popeye t-shirt. "Entrepreneur."

9. N- Porn distributor.

10. C- Looks like a hobo. Works nights. Has a roommate. And a snaggle tooth.

11. B- $25K on cocaine.