Uber-update

OKC Dates

1. C the underemployed hobo- beers at DV, Waiting for Superman, brunch at KL, beers at co-op with W, brunch with friends, shopping on drag, disappeared

2. B the ?- Beers and trivia at SG, former Mormon, super hot and interesting, vibed well, no kiss at the end of the night, never saw each other again

3. J the CEO- fancy brunch at GP, interesting life but was very boring to talk to, bought my meal, never saw each other again

4. J the teacher- drove three hours to meet me, birthday party, never spoke again, maybe he was expecting me to invite him to stay over since he had driven so far? but we hadn't even kissed...

5. S the business owner- tall, handsome, seemed normal, bought my apps and drinks, then after started sending overly sexual texts (when we had never even kissed), never saw him again

6. J the ?- emailed me an hour and half a show because his friend cancelled on him and he didn't want the ticket to go to waste, cute but not very interesting, met him out again when he had been drinking, still not very interesting, never saw him again

7. F the musician- left a band a few years back that went on to become very successful, think he was still bitter about that, wasn't feeling it so I mentioned another date I had been on, he got weird when I mentioned that, said he had to go and gave me a side hug, texted me after he left and said "why did you meet up with me if you are already dating someone else?" I wrote back that it was just casual and good luck with everything. Never saw him again.

8. S the tunnel engineer- so boring, had to ask him about how tunnels are made in order for him to maintain a conversation, complete with tunnel graphics on cocktail napkin, everything in tunnel making is very sexual, by the way

9. E the doctoral student- not wonderful, not horrible 1st date, he paid... second date, we had both been drinking before so he was more entertaining this time, we did split the bill, met me out late night and seemed angry, didn't invite him over bc I wasn't feeling it, made out with him just to make him go away

9. J the hypnotist- salsa, drinks at DV, dancing, SB, sleepover with teens, Sunday Funday (date 6... we're dating but it's open... he's very liberal and only wants to know if I have encounters with anyone else and we can tell each other after the fact)

10. C the business guy- drinks and app at GM, liked him more until he disclosed the fact that he didn't live in [my town] and that he was only here for 6 weeks for work and he was staying in an extended stay hotel, didn't bail because he was really funny and we had some great banter, by the end of the night we were like a socially awkward comedy duo, we will see each other again

Dating tornado. Storm shelter please.

Wow. So it's been awhile. After online date #1 and #2 (both of which have already been written about), I kind of went crazy. I felt like all of October and November has consisted of test driving guys as potential boyfriends. Most didn't even get a second date. A few did. And of those few, a theme quickly developed: 1) How many subsequent dates would it take until I discovered their FATAL FLAW?

1. M- Great first date. He walked in with swagger. At forty-four, he was older than anyone I had ever dated. When he told me was a musician, I said "Oh, my ex-boyfriend is a musician too! He plays with [local musician] and [local musician] at [local venue] and [local venue] a few times a month. Who do you play with?" Needless to say, when he told me about his two Grammy nominations in the late 90's I felt more than a bit silly. I didn't want him to tell me the name of the band though. The fact that they hit their climax the year I was a senior in high school was enough. This is where I begin openly googling, desperately trying to figure out who this rock star of my youth sitting beside me was. In time, I got it. He was an attractive guy, but -not gonna lie- knowing who he played with made him that much more attractive. I have vivid recollections of singing along to his music with one of my first high school crushes. We were in his room, sitting on the floor, and their big song came on the radio. I believe we even tried to have have a pseudo-philosophical discussion about the lyrics.

After a few beverages and appetizers (which he picked up the tab for... guess the royalty checks are still coming in), we decided to head to venue #2. A good sign for a first date. This is where he got affectionate for the first time. And I liked it. We were that annoying couple canoodling at the booth in the corner. Granted, I was a tad intoxicated, but he was getting progressively sexier. A Texan version of Javier Bardem, perhaps? At my car, we had a marathon make out session and it was unreal. Such chemistry and such electricity. I almost didn't want to go. But I had to leave for work at 6:45 the next morning and spend the day molding young minds. And such molding did not include a tutorial on the ins and outs of my great date the night before.

Date two, he continued to amaze. We met in our cute little neighborhood and walked to a cute little restaurant. We stopped in the middle of the street and at corners to make out. This is how I want things to be. This is how it could be, I thought to myself. At dinner, we continued to canoodle. Part of me was thinking "wow, this could be real." The other part of me was thinking "wow, I cannot believe the guy from [band] is groping me right now." Ultimately, we ended up at his house and there were a few intimate encounters. I had never shared such closeness with someone after knowing them for such a short period of time, but I was somewhat okay with it at the time. I think maybe because I really thought he was looking to date and we were creating something. Something relationship-py.

Ultimately, I come to find out that he's recently (as in this year) divorced after being married for 10 years and has a five-year-old son on other side of state. When I started asking "what are we doing?" and "what is this?" (which, admittedly, is annoying... but sometimes a girl just needs a state of the union check) he bumbled and fumbled on his words and told me how he's "just new to dating," how he doesn't know what he wants, and all that stuff that guys say.

I wish I could say I took the high road and that we never had any additional romantic encounters. But our chemistry is just so damn unreal. It's almost like, at this point, when we're hanging out and not hooking up, it's just a formality that has to happen so we can get to the good stuff.

Bottom line? Not boyfriend material. But a great story to tell the grandkids. And the classmates at the twenty-year high school reunion.

2. N- Gave me his band's CD.

3. A- ACL.

4. P- Trilingual and hot. But square. And think he just wanted to get into my pants.

5. B- SidePart McDoubleChin.

6. D- Institutionalized because delusional.

7. M- Bentley. McMansion. Motivational speaker. Had had his accounting license revoked. History of domestic violence.

8. JC- Popeye t-shirt. "Entrepreneur."

9. N- Porn distributor.

10. C- Looks like a hobo. Works nights. Has a roommate. And a snaggle tooth.

11. B- $25K on cocaine.

"Dating Like a Mexican" Love it!

Found this on this great blog I found called wtfisupwithmylovelife.com:

"Inspired by Mexicans’ attitude of “it’s no biggie dealie until it is” (and because I can’t do anything unless it’s an extreme version of itself), my version of dating like a Mexican also means I’ m going to try the following experiment: not talking about any man I meet or date from now on. I will only blog about them and hope that my friends have a second, once in a while, to read and offer their critique/support.

I do this on the hunch that one of my worst habits is over-talking dating episodes and either making mountains out of mole hills or, in the words of my acupuncturist, “wasting the energy.” It’s my way of really trying to embody the principle “it’s no biggie dealie until it is.” If you know me, you know THIS IS GOING TO BE REALLY HARD FOR ME TO DO; I love telling stories, with lots of enthusiasm and lots of details.

But. Enough is enough.

Nothing’s important enough to make it into dinner conversation, until the man makes a case for why he’s the awesomest of them all. And he has to bring the big guns with him when he does. I don’t need a mariachi, but it’d be nice.

Oh, and the other thing about dating like a Mexican: no sex.

So, here they are – the rules for dating like a Mexican:

1. No kissing on the first date.

2. I will write a post instead of having a thousand conversations with girlfriends about you (man x who took me on date x).

3. No tongue until the third.

4. I will not think about you (man x) when I’m not seeing you.

5. No heavy making out until the fifth.

6. No version of dry humping maybe ever.

7. I will never be the person to reach out to make plans.

8. Absolutely no clothes taken off until the seventh date.

9. Sex is never an option.

10. I will not have a feeling about you until you open the feeling door. At which point I will decide if I can have a feeling for you (man x).

11. No holding hands."

***Want to read more – and get regular updates on monanona’s romantic exploits? Wondering how these rules will actually play out in the post-dating world? Check out Dating Like a Mexican!

Too good not to share

Recent guy who emailed me. This is his profile statement: "Just a Soldier looking for a sweet kind woman. Someone that doesnt cheat. Someone i can talk to. I cant say im the worlds greatest catch but i do believe im a good man. So if your out there and dont mind a simple life give me a shout."

Aww.

Match #2 (and #3 and #4)

Match #2. In SECOND place.--> Cute. But shorter than me and has braces (although only for another 3 weeks). Smelled really good... but does that mean too heavy on the cologne? Sexy voice. Just wished his height matched his voice. Picked a great drink spot for venue #1. Was uber-impressed with me... "you really do look like your pictures." Apparently, person in real life = person online phenomenon isn't happening enough. Walked down the street after one drink and grabbed some West African food. They brought it over to us at venue #2. The food was amazing! The company? So cute... if I forgot about the height issue, the braces, and the way-too-excited-to-meet-me issue. After, he walked me back to my car and I drove him a few blocks to his place.

Guys: Do you know how much girls hate it when you say something like "so are we gonna kiss or what?" or "is this the part where we kiss goodnight?" If it's meant to happen, it will happen. No need for a preamble. Yet, said preamble was declared and he leaned in. Caught me off guard. Thought we'd peck but he went in for the kill. Didn't want to be rude, so reciprocated with a little more-than-a-peck-but-less-than-a-makeout kiss and that was that. Not crazy for him, but not eliminated from the race.

But today he sent me a text that said "How's my liberal lawyer?" Uhm... what?! One date mister, one date... I am definitely not yours. Then I missed his call. So, out of courtesy, I called him back after work today and -bless his heart- he was so confident. "Have you mugged down with anyone else like you mugged down with me?" Bless his heart, he hadn't realized that, not only had our kiss just been a decent-first-date kiss, I had actually been out with another dude the next night. And, as if this inquiry were not enough, he proceeded to ask me what I thought about our kiss, how excited I was he got his braces off in two weeks, and whether I had thought any more about our one inch height difference. Oh my.

Match #3. In FIRST place.

Match #4. In THIRD place.

[Match #1. LAST PLACE]

Match #1

So the only ex-boyfriend I had ever really talked about marriage with just got married last Saturday. As did another guy I dated. And today would have been my one year anniversary with the most recent ex-boyfriend. Needless to say, I'm feeling awesome.

Started a new dating site. It's more laid back and so far, much better. I joined last Wednesday and had dates lined up for the weekend. One Sunday brunch and one Sunday evening. I don't think there's any policy against doubling up. After all, I've learned not to give my prime time weekend time (Friday night, Saturday day, or Saturday night) to a random dude that you may not hit it off with. This online dating wisdom comes with time. And lessons learned the hard way. Like being stuck with homeslice on a Friday night when every last thing he does and says gets on your nerves.

Match #1 was a bust. He was nice, but too eager. It really creeps me out when guys have complete sections of my profile memorized. Like "I should've remembered you like pepper on everything from your profile" or "I really liked the part on your profile where..." Okay buddy, some things are best kept to ourselves. I had a bloody mary as I listened to him talk and talk and talk about himself. Thanks to the heavens for that bloody. Would've had another but knew I had a lot of grading to do when I got home. So then we grabbed an appetizer at another venue. The highlights of the conversation here included the fact that he tried to refinance his home and couldn't get approved because he spent so much money on food and drinks. He also specifically mentioned the interest rate he was able to get. Wow. Could you tell me that story again? Please?

He offered to walk me to my car. I told him he didn't need to, but he insisted. The whole walk there, I thought of how I was going to tell overeager beaver that I didn't feel a connection. And then, with an awkward goodbye pat-pat-on-the-back hug, I said "well, maybe I'll talk to you at some other junction."

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Another gem of an article name...

"COPING
WITH SINGLE-HOOD
AS A WOMAN IN YOUR THIRTIES"

Over 30 and single? Obviously, you can't be happy.

by Megan Carpentier

jezebel.com

[emphasis added]

Dr. Pam Spurr is apparently a shitty therapist, because there's no other way to explain her Daily Male, I mean, Daily Mail column "Forget This Tosh About 'Freemales' - Single Women Who Say They Are Happy Are Lying." The title alone makes me want to shake her, but reading it, oh dear God, reading it made me realize that she also needs to lose her license to treat her patients and be shaken by the shoulders until the stupid falls out. Why is it that some people — usually women — think that the only path to personal fulfillment is at the end of an aisle?

Anyway, so the "evidence" cited by Dr. Pam that all single women of a certain age (mine) are unhappy is that they come into her office and tell her they are. They're denying biology! They're denying thousands of years of civilization and 30+ years of socialization that couplehood is the only way to go! And, less obviously to the Not Good Doctor, they're sitting in the chair of a judgmental and uninsightful therapist whose goal is to help them get coupled with someone so they can be happy.

What's really going on behind that confident demeanour [of a single woman that declares herself to be happy]and fulfilled exterior is crushing loneliness and desperation.
Single women become adept at playing the isn't-life-grand game.
They have to do it around men so they don't appear desperate.

One thing that Pam misses is that by relying on her patients — who are seeing a therapist because they are unhappy, great self-selection in your unbiased sample, Pam — she's talking to women who are actually unhappy about it, but that doesn't mean the rest of us are. And, um, to a woman, they all admit that they spend a great deal of time and energy pretending not to be unhappy because to admit to their actual feelings would be too humiliating. So rather then, I don't know, talking to these women about how to openly express their actual feelings to people they care about, or counseling them that constantly feeling like "a fraud" and "putting on a facade" isn't emotionally healthy, she helps them get boyfriends. That's obviously the solution to your life's problems, and God knows, entering into a relationship when you have so much trouble acknowledging your feelings and expressing them to the people that care about you is totes a good idea.

As far as I'm concerned, there's a reason the phrase "settling down" contains the word "settling," and that reason has a hell of a lot to do with the divorce rate. There's this social drum beat to marry, marry, marry that I think many women (and men) mistake for their supposed biological clock, and so they run off and pick the most likely candidate and off to the Grown Up Races they go. You know what really sucks? What makes a woman really, really, really unhappy? A fucked up relationship. I've found that you can actually be lonelier in an unhappy relationship with someone than being single.

And I'm single, and I'm not unhappy about it. I'm single because last year I ended a 4-year relationship in which I was so deeply unhappy and so deeply unfulfilled that I'd actually sunk into a deep depression that required therapy. Did getting out of that relationship suck? Yes. I spent as much time crying in my wine after it was over as I did before it ended. Am I "happy" now? I am no longer desperately unhappy and, for someone who suffers from depression, that's a pretty decent start. I am happy to not be miserably coupled. Do I regret being single? Not at all. I'm not defensive about my status, or my age, I'm not inwardly seething at weddings except when there's no more booze to be had (or none to be found) and, in fact, I'm planning on strapping on some extremely cute shoes in September to serve as a bridesmaid in my younger sister's wedding and to flirt with the photographer my mom's told me is extremely attractive and single. And I won't have a date, and I'll be happy about it, because someone needs to flirt with cute wedding photographers and I hear boyfriends frown on that.

ha ha... can you imagine saying this to someone?!

From an online dating article about how to tell someone you're not interested. Can you imagine saying this to someone as it's written?

If you need some help with the actual words you use, here's a good place to start: "This is not easy for me to say, and perhaps it won't be easy for you to hear. But in spite of the good times/conversations we've shared, I've come to the conclusion that it's best not to continue dating. You're a wonderful person with many great qualities. But I am looking for someone who matches with my unique interests, goals and personality in a different way. I certainly hope you can understand because I enjoyed meeting you and wish you the best. I just know I am not the right person for you and want you to find the one that is."

someone with potential... at last

Wow. So just when I was getting uber-disillusioned with this whole thing, I actually meet someone with potential. We met for dinner. He pulled out my seat for me. The conversation flowed. We have so much in common. He payed for dinner. He bought the beer for the movie. He bought chairs for the outdoor movie (one of which turned out to be a kiddie chair by mistake... ha ha... I offered to sit in the little one and let him have the grown-up chair but he wanted me to have the bigger one... so sweet... and a great first date story if something ever develops between us). He walked me to my car in the parking garage. I drove him to his car and told him thank you. He thanked me for a wonderful evening and gave me a... hug. I try not to kiss on the first date but I absolutely would have this time. But this is good. Means there is more build-up for next time. And there will be a next time, as he emailed me this morning to say thank you again and that our evening was so full of laughter and good conversation and he would love to see me again. I said I agreed.

Now I'm about to get picked up for dinner with Military Guy. Not feeling it at all. But figured it would be bad date karma to cancel. He's upping his game... finally. He created an evite for our date and sent it to me. He's the host and I'm the only guest. Cute. The event is called "40 3rd Dates" because every time we hang out it's like another third date. I don't really think tonight will change that, sushi or no sushi. I even thought about trying not to look cute, but that's just too hard for me. Ha ha. I could pull a "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" and try to sabotage things?? Hmm... he's almost here. Must put last night's guy in the back of my mind... which is proving to be quite difficult. More later.

Suitor update... argh

I've forgotten which suitor is which number at this point and I'm getting a bit disillusioned with the whole online dating thing, so bare with me. Cute attorney and I have decided to just be friends. He doesn't know what he's doing, what he wants, blah blah blah. But I know enough to know that if you recognized what an amazing woman I am and you were ready to get into a relationship, you would know what you want. So don't think I'm going to hook up with you after you make it clear you're just bumbling around the dating world having fun post-divorce at age 32 like some college freshman given freedom for the first time. I'm a smart girl. And the full package. So I have options. But thanks for the match.com recommendation. And maybe I'll let you be my wingman in the future.

Military guy. Argh. Keep giving him more chances. Not feeling it but I'm too nice to let him down. I crashed at his house a few weeks ago after a night out, so now I feel guilty and keep trying to create something that's not there. Last date? Outdoor music event. Told me he'd bring chairs and didn't. Not cool when your date is wearing a dress and it has rained recently. Happy hour last week? I put my card down because I arrived first. When we were tabbing out, the waitress asked if I wanted to put it on my card and I said yes, not wanting to say no and assuming he'd pay. I was hoping he'd say something, but he didn't. So when the check came, I thought maybe he'd leave the tip. But no such luck. And to add insult to injury, he asked me to drive him to his car (in the same parking lot) and didn't offer to get food with me after I talked all night about how I needed to eat something. But we're going out again Monday night. I really hope he screws up royally so I can feel better about walking away. Plus, he has the personality of a piece of milquetoast and I'm a freaking firecracker. I can't carry the personality load for both of us. Sorry, sir.

epiphany

I can tell just by looking at your "head shot" if you're too short for me or not. I'm sitting at about a 90% accuracy rate right now. Bring it on.

mas from profiles reales...

The one thing that [game wizard] is most passionate about:ng Louis is most passionate about:

Not really passionate about anything to the point where I would consider it to be life defining. I suppose if I had to say something I would put scuba diving and board games at the top, and reading and parties (or going out of some other form).

The one thing [word creator] wishes MORE people would notice about him is: Who I am but thats to be aspected The last book [word creator] read and enjoyed: the little prince It a childerns book about the question of life

Suitor #5 Loses It

His email (and keep in mind we hung out for an hour total and I had told him before we ever met that I wasn't romantically interested in him):

I can't really remember the last time I was so disappointed. I had such high hopes. I didn't sense the depth that I would expect to be there from someone with honest intentions and a generous view of the world. Maybe its just an affectation. I know you've probably skated by on looks and stature and maybe didn't develop certain aspects of your personality but that stuff fades. And Most guys wouldn't notice anyway. Well I do. A girl can go from beautiful to ugly really quickly in my book. It was rude to not wait for me to get my coffee and it was rude to say "you made another short friend". I like a little more respect than that. I also have no desire to apart of your collection of guy friends that yearn for you. Awkward nothing you enjoy that they feel that way. I've know girls that dig that. Every once in a while one of the guy friends gets to come off the proverbial bench then it never works out. Well one day the gaggle of dudes is going to dry up. I was really hoping that we could either be good friends or that I could impress you enough to change you mind. Instead it was my mind that changed.

My reply (and I am never confrontational but this needed to be addressed):

Wow. I'm really sorry that you've chosen to view our brief meeting that way. I will not follow your lead and make personal attacks as such is not my style, but I will kindly make one recommendation (for future dates or future meetings with potential friends): please make an effort to ask questions of the other person. Have a good one- and best of luck finding what you are looking for! : )

One more thing. When I say try to ask questions of the other person as well, that means talking about yourself the entire time is not optimal. And as passionate as you are about politics, talking about it the whole time on a first meeting (or ever really) does not lend itself to the woman wanting to hang out again. Just FYI. I really do wish you the best!

(And no need to write back.)

tess

Suitor #5

Sweet guy. But he knew I just wanted to be friends from the initial email and kept pushing for more. The only reason I wrote him to begin with was that I really liked his perspective on the world. Another factor is that he's shorter than me and I don't date guys who are shorter than me (I try to stick with this as a general rule, but both of my ex-boyfriends are an inch shorter than me and Suitor #1 -who is still in first place- is also shorter than me). I even told him this.

He did bring up a good point- that he wished that I wouldn't put him in the "friend zone" for a factor that he has no control of. Good, but that doesn't change the fact that 1) I'm not attracted to you in the least, 2) your voice is high-pitched and annoying, 3) you have a huge head and wore a fedora that was too small for said head, 4) you talked about politics pretty much the whole time, and 5) you never asked me a single question about me.

So I gave him a good hour. More than Suitor #3 who I only got 20 minutes (which were 20 of the longest minutes ever). We hugged when I said goodbye. I was planning on a casual, light hug and he hugged me so hard I thought my back was going to pop. Afterwards he even said "see, I'm not that much shorter than you." Still trying... aww.

So do I archive him now and hurt his feelings? Do I try for a friendship as I said I would? All I know is that from now on I am no longer emailing guys I have no romantic interest in just because they seem like they'd be a cool friend to have.

Current tally: 5 suitors. 2 above average. 3 out of the question. Not bad, I guess??

wow. these are from actual dating profiles...

This will be an ongoing list...

Potential Suitor 1:

a) Some additional info [right wing d-bag] wanted you to know is:

If you are a vegetarian, anti-gun, or an Obama supporter, there is a good chance that we will not get along.

b) The things [right wing d-bag] can't live without are:

Beef

Diesel

chapstick & sun glasses

ipod & sat radio

Truck

Potential Suitor 2:

If you are 5'5", I do not recommend withholding photos and choosing the "request my photo" option.

Potential Suitor 3:

a) Posing in front of an American flag, especially when you admit you photoshopped said flag into the photo, does not make you more attractive.

b) The things [pretend good 'ol boy without an appreciation for the double entendre] can't live without are: my ablity to fit 9 things in where only 5 go...

Potential Suitor #4:

The last book [creepy guy who still lives in his mom's basement] read and enjoyed:

I recently read a couple of Star Wars books, The DaVinci Code, and PIHKAL. I enjoyed each in it's own different way. Star Wars was obviously just fun. DaVinci Code had a great plot. And, PIHKAL was for work!

Potential Suitor #5:

If your job description contains the phrase "middle management," you are getting archived.

Also, "genuality" is not a word. Always good to proofread your profile for made up words. They don't make you sound smart. But then again, you are in middle management.

#6:

The last book [meathead much?] read and enjoyed:

I usually read textbooks and journals for work. Recently started reading "The Stand" though. It's sooooo long! I read a few pages, then do a couple of curls with it.

Suitor #4

Suitor #4 is currently in second place. Bless his eHarmony heart, he emailed me today and said "Did I do something wrong? I was really looking forward to meeting you." It was then I realized I had totally been ignoring him, as he was one of my "potential but back burner" guys." I told him the truth, that I had been busy. I left out the part that I was going out every night like a college kid and basically meeting a different guy from the site every day. So, on a whim, we met each other for happy hour.

Positives: 1) he's cute, 2) we can have a conversation with ease, and 3) he was gentlemanly enough to pick up the check on the first date.

Negatives: 1) I asked him about himself (and consequently he talked about himself) the whole time, 2) he never (and I mean NEVER) asked me a single thing about my background or my career, and 3) he is in the military (I've had a negative experience with dating someone in the military (a girlfriend in every city- nice!), plus I'm not a big fan of the brainwashing type of training they do and how they seem to want to change soldiers' perspective on the world. I really feel as if their goal is to create human machines, and as an uber-empathetic, very emotional, creative teacher/ lawyer, I object!

He walked me to my car, popped my back (good stuff), and gave me a hug. I'm sure we'll talk again (he's still in the running per se), but I'm pretty sure Suitor #4 is going to fall into the "guy friend" category.

No harm, no foul.

Suitor #1 PS

I'm realizing now I've left out two pieces of info regarding Suitor #1, both in the negative category:

1. On the way to our (third) date, he played me a song called "Pussy and Marijuana" that he loved and was sure I'd love too. I'm not a square by any stretch of the imagination, but really?? Third date?? You're an attorney and you thought this was a judicious decision??

2. Told my dad I was going bowling and he told me to let him know how I did. So when I had a free moment between turns, I texted my dad to tell him my score in the first game (which, by the way, was unimpressive). Suitor #1 then walked up to me, noted I was texting my dad at 10:30 at night, and proceeded to remark "You're texting your dad?! What?! Do you guys have something sexual going on?!" Are you effing kidding me right now? Look, I don't know what your relationship with your dad is like, but don't try to throw some Freudian bullshit on me when 1) you've known me for 6 days and 2) any normal person would not interpret said text in that way. I resisted the urge to say anything, but made a mental check in the Suitor #1- Negative category.

This is my public display of said negative check.

Dating... argh

Suitor #1, update: So, date #3 (apparently a high stakes date)... don't tell me you already know I prefer beer when I remind you. Don't tell me you already know I'm smart when I mention my law degree. Don't make me sit outside when it's 100 degrees and I've joked sweetly that I feel like I'm going to melt.

Don't tell me that you want a definition of dating. "What does that really even mean anyway," my ass. Don't tell me that you're a mess right now and don't know what you are doing. Look, I understand that you married young and now you're single and dating is new to you, but it's not rocket science. Either you have a connection with someone, and you're open to seeing where that connection leads (even if it may be -gasp- commitment) or you don't. Don't tell me just because you're not "head over heels" for me at this particular stoplight and won't be "getting down on one knee anytime soon" means that you don't know what you're doing. Like I said, with dating, we all figure it out as we go. Either you're open to something eventually turning into a committed relationship or you're not.

Don't make sexual innuendos all night but refuse to be affectionate with me in front of your friends. Don't tell me we need to make out at the end of the night "to see if there's a spark." A spark, again, is something you either have or you don't. You ramming your tongue down my throat should not be the litmus test for "the spark."

Even if I cave, and we kiss (and it's good), don't tell me at this point that "that was a good connection." Really?! You didn't notice our connection on the other two non-make out dates?

At this point, it's up to him to make the next move. I'm not texting to say thank you. I'm not "seeing what you're up to this weekend." If you buck up and realize what could potentially be, I'll hear from you soon.

Dating again...

Suitor #1: Amazing. Stay tuned.

Suitor #2: Rode his skateboard to our date. Told me he'd split the cost of an appetizer.

Suitor #3: Wore reflective glasses and a cheap blazer. Talked about how the tax structure in Nevada is favorable for private corporations. Told me he speaks slower to "Spanish" people and "leaves out contractions" because "they are just trying to pick up the key words." (I'm a bilingual teacher.)